Stronger

When I started taking yoga again last fall I hadn’t been on my mat in years. I knew the basic poses but my body was out of practice. It took several classes and several teachers for me to get my downward dog back in proper alignment. And, there are still days I need adjustments and reminders – scoot your hands out a bit more, lift your hips higher.

I remember going to my first Vinyasa class at this studio. I left thinking – there is no way I can keep up. I’m not strong enough. I’m not brave enough. So, I found other classes to go too. I got comfortable with my Monday night Gentle Flow class. I found more strength in the Hatha class. I got to know the teachers and was more comfortable falling out of poses and then going right back in it.

Eventually I found my way back to Vinyasa. My teacher loves this flow from Meghan Currie. It’s challenging. It requires a lot of arm strength. And, I love it. I love it because it’s making me stronger. I can’t lift up my leg on the Fallen Angel yet, but I can hold my body up longer. I can’t go back into Wheel from Wild Thing yet, but I’m getting closer and closer.

This flow is strengthening my upper body. I’ve always felt weak in my arms. I’ve never thought of myself as strong. However, going through this flow week after week, I’m finding myself getting stronger. Stronger to the point that I’m beginning to find Crow pose. 6 months ago I never imagined I’d be able to do this, and now, here I am practicing an arm balance pose.

A few weeks ago the yoga studio owner was out of town, so she has subs teaching her Vinyasa class. They are all great, but none of them do the flow that I’ve gotten used to. It surprised me, but I actually missed it. I wanted those poses that strengthen my arms. This flow that once caused me to doubt myself and my body now gives me power and strength.

I didn’t come to Wheel from Wild Thing, but last week I did Wheel – something I didn’t think I’d be able to do. I wonder what’s next? I don’t know what it will be, but I know there is something coming…

It’s hard to imagine myself in the future. I base future self on my current self. So, 6 months ago I didn’t think I’d advance much in yoga because that current self had doubts and reservations. I don’t give my future self enough credit. I need to work on that.

I have no idea where I’ll be 6 months from now. In yoga, in life. But, based on what I’ve seen over the past 6 months, I know I’ll be stronger and more confident. I know good people will surround me. The older I get the more I learn to trust the process – to trust that growth is happening even when I can’t see it. Little by little – getting stronger takes time and happens in small increments that I can’t always see. Then one day, seemingly out of the blue, something happens and I realize how much I have grown, how much stronger I really am.

peace.