chocolate lab, denali, hysterectomy

This Is Why I’m Tired

Almost seven weeks ago I had a hysterectomy. That was originally why I was tired. Since then, I’ve added a few more things to my “this is why I’m tired” list. I don’t share this for sympathy or advice. Mostly I just want to get it all out on paper and share a few cute photos of our dogs. And to remind myself that my fatigue is justified (because for some reason, I can’t just accept fatigue for fatigue’s sake). 

Steve made a poor choice

A couple weeks after my surgery, Brad took Steve on a walk. Afterward they stopped at a neighbor’s house to chat and let Steve play with his friend. As Steve does, he went into their house and brought all the toys into the yard. Yeah, we’ve got that kid. Within seconds he started chewing on a toy. As soon as Brad and the neighbors noticed, they took it away. I’m telling you, it was seconds.

One morning a few days later, I found a squeaker on the floor. A few days later there was another squeaker along with two legs. We assumed he consumed two legs from this toy (which apparently had many, many legs on it) and two squeakers. He threw them all up. All is well. 

Then after another week or so, on a Saturday morning before I was heading out of town with my mom for a week (a post to come on that soon!) he stopped eating. He drank ridiculous amounts of water, but wouldn’t eat. We figured his belly was just upset from vomiting the week before, but when I offered him cottage cheese and he still wouldn’t eat… well, we knew there was a problem. 

Steve pays for said poor choice (no, actually we paid)

So, like I said, I left the next morning. On Monday Brad took Steve to the vet and after a day there they said to take him to an emergency vet. After a long evening and overnight there (and, I might add, a terrible experience with the place), Brad brought him home, still with no answer. And he still wasn’t eating. Another vet visit the following day and a trip to a new emergency vet, they finally discovered what we figured was the case all along… there was a third squeaker and it was stuck in his small intestine. 

Did I mention I was out of town?

So, Steve had emergency surgery. And because he was just the saddest puppy in all the land when they put the cone of shame on him, they took it off and put a shirt on instead. For thirteen whole days I got to see him in a shirt and it was just the cutest thing in the entire world. I don’t think he loved it, but it was a positive by-product of his idiotic decision. 

It’s getting hot in here

Okay, we got through that.

But, when I got home after being out of town for the week, the house smelled weird (I later discovered the rotten onion) and felt very warm. It turns out the air conditioning went out. We hadn’t needed the AC for weeks and then, as soon as it started to warm up, it didn’t work. 

Denali is up next

We brought Steve home the next day and two days later I took Denali to the vet for what I expected to be a quick check up. She’s developed various bumps (tumors) on her body over the last year or so, and the latest one is in the most inconvenient spot. Especially because these tumors bleed easily. We thought it was all healed up, but when I arrived at the vet and saw blood all over the seat, I realized that was not the case. 

Basically, I had to decide whether we’d put her through surgery at age 13 and know that something else would end her life, or opt out of surgery and acknowledge that this tumor would kill her. Believe me when I say I’ve been dealing with anticipatory grief of Denali’s death for years, but this was the first time I had to deal with her mortality in such a real way. Also, the relief vet made it seem much more urgent and deadly than was necessary, so I was just an emotional wreck until we got things sorted out with the main vet the next day. 

I came home from that appointment and just cried in Brad’s arms. Just one too many things, you know? 

This is why I’m tired (among other things)

Eventually the motor was replaced on the AC, but then it stopped again two days later. I think it’s fixed now, but it’s cool enough that I don’t need it on (and Brad is out of town). 

I have made a request to the Universe that no bad things happen while he’s gone for the next seven days. Things are good so far. Steve had his stitches removed today and he’s doing great. I’ve decided that Denali will be permanently on a bland diet because I’m tired of cleaning up shit every morning. Healing and decisions — feels like I’m doing okay.

So, when I’m ready to go to bed at 8:30 pm. When, after 9+ hours of sleep, I still have a hard time getting out of bed. When it feels like I could use a nap. Well, this is why I’m tired. Oh yeah, and that whole surgery that I had too. That could be part of it. 

I’m just over here living in the midst of it all. And still finding life to be funny and not too terrible most of the time. I’d say that’s not too bad. 


This is why I'm tired

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