Day Nine and I’m Still Alive

Perhaps I’m exaggerating slightly, but I am impressed that I’ve almost finished nine days of Whole30. Day three was the hardest day so far. Maybe it’s because I went to a birthday party in the afternoon and then another one that evening. It was hard being around all those carbs and sugars and not be able to have even a small, teeny bite. It was also a hard day because I realized that it’s possible my body is addicted to those things — carbs, in particular. I’ve never thought of myself as addicted to anything, but completely cutting out grains, sugar and dairy has me rethinking that notion. (Whole30 also includes removing legumes, which I don’t eat now anyway, and alcohol, which I don’t care that much about.)

I have been to the grocery more in the last ten days than I probably have in all of 2019 so far. I’ve also chopped more vegetables, cleaned more pans and ran the dishwasher much more than usual. We don’t have a lot of counter space to begin with, but now there’s even less because of all the produce I’m buying (and actually eating!). If you know my cooking skills at all, you might be surprised at the things I’ve prepared for myself, along with some assistance from Brad. I mean, I made my own mayo last week! Yes, it’s super easy, but I had no idea! I felt so accomplished. 🙂

According to the Whole30 timeline, I’m in the “For the love of Gosling, my pants are TIGHTER” phase. Since I didn’t sign up for this with the intention to lose weight, this description doesn’t feel like it really applies. I think I’m in between “I just want a nap…” and “The Hardest Days.” On Thursday I could barely keep my head up during a work meeting and ended up sleeping on the couch for two hours after I got home. Also, this is hard. But, so far that has been every day, so…

The hardest part is that I feel hungry a lot. But, based on what I’ve eaten and when I’ve eaten it, I know those aren’t really hunger pangs. There’s no reason for me to be hungry right (I mean, RIGHT) after a meal. Apparently my body really just wants some carbs and is trying to trick me into thinking I’m still hungry. Rude! Also, weird. How can my body, which is ME, be trying to trick my mind, which is also ME? The whole mind/body thing has a whole new meaning for me these days. I feel like my heart is stuck in the middle trying to negotiate this battle: “It’s okay, she didn’t really mean she wants you to die.” “No, no, what she meant was can you please be quiet for awhile.”

On Sunday — the HARDEST DAY EVER — I was struggling with this thirty day thing. I was already on day twenty-two trying to figure out what I was going to eat while in Nashville for the Mumford & Sons concert. I was already on day twenty-nine trying to figure out what I was going to eat the night before my next half marathon. Jumping that far ahead was.not.helpful. So, I took a step back and decided: “I’m doing Whole30 today. And once today is over, I’m doing Whole30 tomorrow.” Back to the basics, back to one day at a time.

Once I got past Sunday, I actually felt really good. I was able to run and go to yoga two days in a row. I got in the groove of prepping food in advance and knowing what I was going to eat for each meal. I felt so good that I even told people, “This isn’t too bad.” However, Wednesday arrived along with a headache and some serious hunger pains. I immediately chastised myself for thinking it wasn’t too bad. I knew it was too good to be true — I knew I shouldn’t have mentioned I was feeling good.

But here’s the thing. It wasn’t too bad on Monday and Tuesday. I did feel good on those days, so it made sense for me to say that. I was expressing how I felt in the moment. Just because I didn’t feel so great the next day doesn’t diminish the fact that I did feel good the day before. I wasn’t jinxing myself or bragging too much — I was being honest about where I was one day, and then, I was honest about where I was the next day.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this to myself — made myself feel bad for feeling good. I’m not sure why I do it, but I’m grateful that time and maturity have helped me recognize when it’s happening and stop it before it goes any further.

So, I’m almost done with day nine of Whole30. I don’t know how many days I have left (well, my mind does but I’m trying to keep that away from my body), but I do know once I rock today, I’ll wake up tomorrow and try to rock it too. And, if I don’t, that’s okay. Well, it’s okay as long as I don’t have any carbs, sugar, dairy, legumes or alcohol because if I do I have to start all over and I’m.not.doing.that. I may complain or need a nap or be grumpy. I may not be thrilled with this choice I’ve made to try to figure out what makes my body unhappy. But, I’ll keep going because I’ve already done nine days and there’s no sense on stopping now.

We’ll see if I’m saying the same thing a week from now.

peace.

Have you done Whole30 before? If so, share some of your favorite recipes in the comments!