2017, abundance, brave, darkness, grief, light


It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the grief and sadness. Some days staying in a dark place is more comfortable than seeking out the light. However, for the most part, I have found myself preferring light over dark. Instead of living in scarcity, I’ve chosen abundance. When I look for abundance, it’s so easy to see!

On Tuesday Brad and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. Over dinner we talked about how great this year was despite the deep loss and sadness we’ve experienced. Last summer Brad went with me on a mission trip for the first time. I loved it because he got to see my work up close and personal. He enjoyed the construction and getting to know people from the church better. We went to Boston, New Orleans and Mexico over the last year too. And, even though there have been some really hard moments to work through, we are consistently surrounded by family and friends supporting us. Abundance.

This may seem strange, but I’ve experienced abundance through furniture over the past six months! Brad is in the business, so we’re able to get some things at lower prices. Each room in our house is furnished in ways that make me happy and comfy. I especially love the space we’ve created on our deck – I really do view it as another room to our house. Sometimes I struggle with where to relax – in the swivel, cushioned chairs by the fire table, under the umbrella at the meal table or on the hammock? There’s something for every occasion and mood! Abundance.

I started my quilting business over four years ago. For the most part orders come consistently – it’s a little busier in spring and fall (graduation and Christmas), but generally I have a few orders a month. The first four months of this year I had very few orders. I don’t know why that was, but I wasn’t upset about it. I really didn’t want to work on orders for other people. I was more focused on my own projects – the Solstice Challenge Quilt Along, quilts for my nieces, etc. I didn’t miss the orders because I didn’t want the orders. I needed space for me. Then, within the last few weeks, orders started coming in. I don’t know why – I didn’t start advertising or asking for business. Somehow, however, business started showing up. Just as I’m ending a job, just as some uncertainty it starting to arise, I start receiving orders. Abundance.

We had quite a bit of time with family this spring. The festivities started with Easter and then kept going! A week later we celebrated my mother-in-law’s birthday – first on her actual birthday with her parents. It was fun spending time with them in a smaller group. A few days later the whole family gathered for fun at the Escape Room, Punch Bowl Social then cake and ice cream back at their house. And, this past weekend we were back out there for Mother’s Day. I’m grateful that I really enjoy Brad’s family so much – I know not everyone can say that about their in-laws! I’ve also been able to spend a few weekends in Tennessee with my brothers, sister-in-law and nieces – and, my mom and I are going again in a few weeks! We celebrated my dad’s birthday on Sunday with lunch on our deck and we spent time laughing with my mom later that day. Abundance.

As I’ve been working on this upcoming career change, I’ve spent a lot of time meeting with people I know – former colleagues and professors, friends of friends, former supervisors. I’ve had some really good conversations. I’ve learned more about my network and myself. These meetings have reminded me that I know a lot of people! My post-college life has been full! Over the past 15 years I’ve made some really good connections. When I tap into my network, I realize how many resources I have access to. And, these aren’t connections I’ve made just to have connections – these are connections made through authentic relationships built over time. Abundance.

I still struggle with infertility. I still grieve the changes with my job and church family. I still feel uncertain about the future. At the same time, I seek out the abundance because I know it’s there. I seek out the joy and the gratitude. I seek out the laughter and the smiles. I don’t see abundance in every moment, but when I’m starting to go to that dark place, I remind myself to look for the light, look for the abundance. It’s all around.


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