music, rest, sabbatical, trust

Be Held

I have this thing with music. I love it but can’t love it too much. If I listen to the same songs or album too much, I can’t get it out of my head. Not just, “oh that’s annoying” kind of can’t-get-it-out-of-my-head. It’s the “I can’t sleep and won’t ever sleep again because this song is on replay forever” kind of can’t-get-it-out-of-my-head. So, I’m currently on a personal ban of Hamilton because even though I haven’t listened to it since last Thursday night, I still find myself singing “I’m not throwing away my shot” out of the blue – or any of the other amazing songs from that musical. I mean it’s to the point that any word I hear reminds me of a song and then I bust into musical mode. I think Brad is over it. I digress.

So I guess the point is, songs get stuck in my head in a bad way. Earlier this year I discovered some new-to-me Christian musical groups. I don’t know if they’d describe themselves that way, but it’s an easy description to use. A deceiving one, but easy nonetheless. All Sons & Daughters has a way of putting words to music that touches my soul. Sure, there are phrases that my mind doesn’t agree with, but thankfully my soul is able to say, “Thank you for seeing that theological issue, but right now we’re not doing that. Please rest and let me handle this.” So, my mind steps aside and my soul rejoices – in the melodies and harmonies, in the words that tell me I’m loved, in the moment of pure joy that most often happens while I’m driving. My soul is so moved that I often find my hand over my heart and tears resting just inside my lids.

There are moments when I wake up early in the morning, when it’s still dark outside (meaning it’s still time to be asleep no matter what the time – if the sun’s not up, why should I be?) and the words of these songs are running through my mind. For some reason I don’t get as irritated with these interruptions like I do with “Don’t modulate the key then not debate with me!” I’m starting to think of them as messages, reminders, something that I need to hear.

The other day when I decided to run without any music or podcast a few different lyrics kept coming in and out of my consciousness. They were a mixture of two different songs and it came out like this: “You’re world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place. I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held…Lord, I need you oh I need you, every hour I need you…” Over and over, back and forth between these two songs. It was like my soul was creating just the right combination of words and melody that I needed to hear.

The one that really stuck: just be held. That’s it, just be held. There’s no need to work harder today or be more, just be held. You don’t have to get 10,000 steps or write a long post, just be held. You don’t need to run faster or think smarter, just be held. It’s okay to feel disappointed or to be scared, just be held. You don’t need to be perfect or appear perfect or pretend that you’ve got it all together, just be held. There’s no grade in life, there’s no final exam to pass, just be held. When you’re not the greatest friend or wife or daughter or sister or aunt, just be held. When you yell at the neighbor or curse at the dog, just be held. When one more person announces a pregnancy, just be held. When you think you’re better than someone, just be held. When you don’t think you’re worth what you’ve got, just be held. When you feel lost or confident or somewhere in between, just be held.

That’s it – just be held. If you can imagine God or maybe a deceased loved one or an angel or Creator or star or whomever, let them hold you. If you need that physical touch, go find the one you trust and let them hold you. Wherever you are, just be held. Know that you are loved just as you are. Know that you are enough. Just be held.

If I wake up at 2 am with the words, “You’re world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place. I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held…” I will know it’s not about some random lyrics stuck in my head. It will be a message that I need to hear – over and over and over again. Every single day of my life I need to be reminded – let go and just be held. And when they appear, I will lie there and let them wash over me. I will wrap the blanket just a little tighter and be held.


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