Tired

This won’t be long and there’s a reason for that. I’m tired. We had a wonderful weekend away in a new city with good friends. We ate good food and drank good beer. We walked and walked. We avoided a tropical storm. We laughed a lot. It was just what I needed to help reset myself at the start of this sabbatical.

As we were on the plane I began to make my to-do list – this is so typical of me. Before my bags are unpacked (and yes, my bag is already unpacked), I start thinking of everything I can get accomplished with the hours that I have left in the day. Baste a quilt and maybe start quilting it. Cut out the stack of t-shirts for a new quilt. Read a book. Watch TV. Go for a walk with Denali. You know, the usual stuff you get done in 5-6 hours 😉

Instead of jumping into that impossible-to-achieve-in-one-aftermoon list, I decided to open up my Sacred Ordinary Days Planner first. I didn’t take it with me on our trip so missed Sunday, which always has a quote about sabbath and some space to journal about it.

Sabbath still matters and we need the challenge it offers against impatience and idolatry. We need the practiced dependence it requires. And we need rest! We need God! And most of the time we are moving too fast to answer his call to be with him. This is the silver lining of the Sabbath cloud…the profound security of his presence…stopping long enough to remember how much he loves us. These help us to wait in larger ways.
– Marcia Lebhar

My initial response to that is… I need rest! It’s true I like to stay moving. I feel like my day is worthy when it’s full of checking things off my list. However, I know I make more mistakes when I’m tired, so I’m marking out any tasks that involve needles and scissors. I fall asleep easily when I’m tired, so I’ll start the book in my comfy chair knowing it will lead to a nap. The same is true for TV. I might get to a walk later. And I might not.

I’m giving myself permission to let go of the list and rest. I’m recognizing that my to-do list and need to constantly achieve are not correlated with God’s love for me, or my own self-value. I can rest because I know life will go on perfectly fine without me – the world rotates, the sun rises and falls, the moon glows. Thankfully those are a few things I never have to put on my to-do list.

peace.


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