The last few weeks… month… year has been a lot. I continue to feel tired even when I get plenty of sleep. I continue to feel overworked when I’m anything but. It turns out I just need some extra space.
Extra space for all the things
I am meeting with a new therapist — two sessions in and I love her! She’s exactly who I need at this time in my life. And the fact that she thinks breathwork and grounding is an important part of my healing is just a bonus!
Anyway, last week I was telling her about all the things and she said, “no wonder you’re tired.” I knew I had good reason to feel tired but it’s always nice to be validated, isn’t it?
We all have good reason to be tired this year. Here are a few for me…
- Our kitchen has been in some form of disrepair since early March. We’ve been working in earnest (re: dust everywhere!) since mid July. We’re so close but not there yet.
- Because of the kitchen situation, I haven’t been eating in a way that supports my body in over 3 weeks. I’m feeling it in all kinds of ways.
- I’m doing daily breathwork and weekly deep dive breathwork, along with writing and other assignments as part of the Express & Emerge program I’m doing this month.
- I’m doing my best to stay present in each moment. This requires focus and consistency.
- I continue to read and listen and watch materials to educate myself around racism in the US.
- I try to be a kind human being in my home when I go very few places and see very few people. 😉
I’m sure I can add more to that list, but those are the first few things that come to mind. None of it is particularly physically taxing; however, I’m doing a lot of emotional work. And it turns out emotional work requires a lot of energy, which means I get tired more often.
I gave myself permission
Last week it was Thursday evening before I realized I hadn’t written a Friday blog post yet. I gave myself permission to wait and write it on Friday (because honestly, I’m probably the only one that knows about the “schedule”) but then that didn’t happen. So I figured I’d write it Saturday. Nope.
So, I decided not to worry about a blog post. Or any social media posts for the rest of the week. I gave myself some space to just be.
And it turns out, I didn’t miss posting or responding to posts or any of it. I just don’t have the energy for all of that right now.
I haven’t felt inspired to write, and that’s okay. I think I’m even kind of forcing myself to write this today because I feel some kind of obligation to my blog. That’s weird, but it is what it is.
We’ll see how next week goes. I may find the energy to jump back into my Instagram posts. And I might not.
Sometimes it’s just good to take a break, to allow myself some extra space. One thing I’m learning over and over again is this: only I know what I need and only I can give it to myself.