Kate Bowler, Living in the Midst, rest

Is It Just Me?

Are you tired? Or is it just me? It seems like I’m sleeping well every other night. That’s not good for me. 8-9 hours of sleep nightly is what my body prefers. When I don’t reach that goal my mood begins to change. With additional nights of less sleep my mind begins to spin out of control. Easy decisions become agonizing. I feel like tears are ready to fall out of my eyes at any moment.

Feeling “off”

Earlier this week I was feeling “off” and I didn’t know why. Instead of overanalyzing the reason, I ran an errand then drove around for a bit with the top down on my convertible. This outing didn’t completely turn my mood around, but it certainly didn’t hurt to feel the wind and sun on my skin.

Later I decided to read on the hammock. That always calms me — being surrounded by the birds and trees while being held in the hammock lessens my anxiety and helps me rest.

I’m doing the “right” things — I drink plenty of water, I eat (mostly) healthy food for my body, I walk daily, I read. So why do I feel so crummy? Apparently poor sleep just needs more sleep.

If I didn’t pay attention to my feelings — both physically and emotionally — I think I’d be more worried about my state of being right now. However, because of my daily, weekly and monthly practices of paying attention to my inner being, I’m able to identify the source of this “off” feeling.

Slowing down helps

Twice now I’ve been asked if I’m practicing yoga. I acknowledged that I’m not stepping onto my mat as much as I used to. I said that it’s harder when I don’t have a place to go, people to interact with, “my” yoga teacher to lead me… I received acknowledgement that this is hard and anything is better than nothing. 

So today I’ll open my computer, roll out my mat and breathe deeply with the movements of my body.

An IG friend posted about meditation — how 10 minutes of meditation four times a week increases one’s well being in many ways. I’m grateful I slowed down enough to read her post. Perhaps I need more of that… slowing down, breathing, acknowledging the thoughts floating in my head. Maybe I can start with meditation a few mornings next week?

It’s not just me

Last night as I headed to bed I saw this post from Kate Bowler. She wrote:
I am hearing from so many people right now who are scared, tired, and sad and I’m right there with you. I think in the face of that, one of the things we can do is bless the crap out of each other. So, this is a blessing for us. It is from Augustine, North African Bishop in the 4th century.

Dear Lord, stay awake with those who wake, or watch, or weep tonight,
and set your angels to guard those who sleep.
Tend your sick ones, O Lord Christ.
Rest your weary ones.
Bless your dying ones.
Soothe your suffering ones.
Pity your afflicted one.
Shield your joyous ones.
And all, for Your Love’s sake.

Is it just me?

I’m glad to know I’m not alone. Maybe I’m not the only one who wouldn’t let myself sew the other day because it was nice out and it won’t be nice out in 6 months and I won’t be able to have outside visits with friends and what in the world will we do when it’s winter and we still have to practice safe distancing. No? Is it just me? Well, that’s just a glimpse of what’s going on inside of this head of mine…

Part of living in the midst means acknowledging when life is hard. It means asking, “Is it just me?” and then hearing others say, “No, it’s not just you.”

I’m grateful I’m not alone in this… even when it sometimes feels like I’m incredibly alone. 


is it just me

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