My Eye Kept Twitching

As the Camino approached I knew I needed to make some adjustments in my schedule. For the last year or so I’ve had the unlimited package at my yoga studio. Knowing that I would be gone or very busy for most of June and anticipating the arrival of our puppy in July, I decided to reduce my yoga package to five classes a month. That’s a very large reduction considering I was going twice a week at a minimum. Five classes a month would be about once a week.

I also knew I would need to cut back on my running for a while. Steve (the puppy) won’t be able to run with me for another year and Denali stopped running with me about a year ago. Right now I need to focus on training Steve to walk and giving Denali the appropriate exercise for her body and age.

In addition to all of that, we updated the flooring in our house, which meant a lot of things we out of place, including my sewing room. Once the new floors were installed we focused on getting the main rooms livable again. Next we got Brad’s home office functional. My sewing room, however, was neither livable nor functional and I have a quilt due to a customer in less than two weeks. Plus, I really enjoy creating.

In a very short period of time I reduced my three main sources of stress relief and two main sources of exercise to almost nothing.

Then, last week, I found myself feeling very anxious and stressed. Some of this was due to my hormone cycle. However, it felt bigger than that. Brad asked what he could do to help and I asked that we get my sewing room functional again. So, on Tuesday night we moved furniture around, installed my sewing table again and I cleaned up most of the dust and debris. At that point I let Brad go and I started to put fabric away. I thought this was going to be fun – going through all the fabric, putting it away in an organized fashion. However, my eye started twitching. All the clutter in my sewing room literally made my eye twitch!

I cleaned it up enough to make it so I could get around the room okay and then I walked out. I decided to clean the floors instead. I thought doing a task that would show immediate results would make me feel better. It didn’t. My eye kept twitching.

Eventually I sat with Brad and he said his eye usually twitches when he’s really stressed. He then reminded me that the activities I often use to relieve stress have been on the back burner for a while…maybe it’s time to revisit them.

I want to be a really good dog mom to Steve. This means getting up early to make sure he has time out of his crate to play and go for a walk in the morning. This means coming home straight from work to make sure he’s not in his crate longer than 4-5 hours. This means going for walks in the evening and playing in the backyard. This means less time for me. And that’s okay – especially in this first month.

But, I realized yesterday, I’d only used 1 of 5 yoga classes this month. In four weeks, I’d only found one opportunity to go to yoga – let me rephrase. I’d only made time to go to one yoga class. I’ve been so focused on doing the right thing for him that I’d forgotten about doing the right thing for me.

I’ve got a half marathon coming up at the end of September so I need to start running again. I need the benefits of yoga for my mind, body and spirit so I need to start practicing again. I may not be able to jump back into the unlimited package just yet, but maybe I can start by using all five classes next month (I’m squeezing three in over the next three days since it’s the weekend and I’m home more). I may not be able to run four days a week, but I can definitely get in more than zero. I won’t take on a lot of sewing projects, but it’s perfectly doable to finish one by August 10.

It’s easy to lose sight of my needs when routines change. I’m grateful for my body giving me clues that something isn’t right. And, I’m grateful that I’ve learned to pay attention and listen to those clues. I’m grateful that my husband recognizes what I need and offers me the space to follow through.

I went to yoga this morning for the first time in several weeks. Just entering the space gave me the sense of peace I was yearning for.

As I sit here watching my dogs play with each other, I’m grateful for the new energy in our home. I’m okay with pulling back from some activities if it means we get to raise a new puppy and bring new life to the older one. However, I can’t forget about what I need and what brings energy to my soul.

Here’s to beginning again…

peace.